Coping With Colitis

I'm 19 years old and I have been diagnosed with ulcerative colitis. If you know anything about colitis, you know that it's an incredibly painful and lifelong journey that many people face. Being diagnosed with colitis brought answers to why I was feeling so horrible, but it also brought a ton of different emotions. I was in the hospital when I find out. It was shortly after my colonoscopy and I was barely even awake when the doctor came in to tell my parents and myself the news. When I heard the doctor explain to my parents what they had found and what exactly colitis was, I broke down into tears. I was terrified. I went into my colonoscopy appointment thinking that I would get some sort of simple surgery to stop the overwhelming pain I was experiencing, instead I learned that this was something there was no real cure for. And something I would be living with for the rest of my life. 

During my oct. 2014 hospital stay, finally
feeling better with color in my cheeks!

I felt the same feelings I had experienced during flare ups except they were amplified quite a bit. I was so angry. Angry with the doctors? Yes, because I wanted to hear GOOD news, hopeful news and happy news. Angry with my parents? Yes. Why? Because I felt like they should have stopped this horrible pain and disease that I now was forced to live with. Angry with myself? Absolutely. I hated myself for not sticking to a diet. I hated myself for allowing this to become what it now was. Angry with God? YES. He was supposed to protect me from things like this. He is supposed to be a healer. Why wasn't he healing me? What did I do so horribly wrong that made God think, no you aren't worthy of being healed. I became a very angry person. My heart was shattered. My mind was full of these horrible feelings that made me become an altogether angry person. I am not proud of how I felt. Not at all. But I couldn't help it. 

Iron Infusion!

I had been struggling with this intestinal pain for a few years and I was so incredibly tired of fighting against my own body. Things that were so easy for other high schoolers became incredibly hard for me. I spent most of my time in high school embarrassed and alone. I was unable to participate in normal activities because I never knew when my body would have crazy amounts of pain or a horrible urgency to use the restroom. I was scared to go to football games. I didn't try out for soccer or cheer. I rarely went to dances. I quit theater. All because of colitis. My senior year of high school I missed 3 weeks in a row due to pain and exhaustion. My 18th birthday weekend was interrupted because I was told I needed to go to the ER immediately to get a blood transfusion. I also spent multiple days of summer in the hospital getting iron infusions because my iron levels were so low. 

I love my students!!

I tried so hard to stay strong through this but it felt near to impossible. I wanted more then anything to wake up and find that it was just a nightmare. Instead I woke up realizing that I was LIVING the nightmare. I was put on medications to help the colitis but they all had horrible side effects. I was taking 10+ pills everyday. One medication I really disliked was the Prednisone. I was put on a very high dose of steroids. The Prednisone not only made my face round and cause slight facial hair to grow (eyebrows & upper lip), I also became incredibly depressed. One minute I was perfectly fine and the next I'd be breaking down in tears hating everything and feel completely alone. I was living with a roller coaster of emotions. Going to work became more difficult then I imagined. Luckily I had the cutest preschool students around who I strongly believe God sent to me to be my little angels. They may only be three but their love and laughter made being at work so much more enjoyable. Because of those children I was able to smile and laugh and really enjoy work instead of being sad and depressed. 

Remicade Treatment #3

After a few weeks my parents and myself had to make a decision of whether or not I wanted to do remicade infusions. Remicade is a medications that is given through infusions every few weeks. I was very hesitant because of the possible side effects. I was horrified to say the least. The possible side effect that terrified be the most was the possibility of lymphoma or skin cancer. I didn't want to possibly have any type of cancer but I also couldn't live with the pain the colitis was causing. After days of praying and asking God for His guidance and strength, I chose to move forward with the treatments. After the first infusion I started to notice a difference in my body. I wasn't experiencing pain on a daily basis and I was having less urgency to be near a bathroom. And after the second infusion I was actually able to live my life like a normal 18 year old. My quality of life changed immensely. I was able to leave my house and enjoy time with friends and family. I was able to go to church again and boy was I glad! I had so many people praying for me and sending love my way. I truly experienced God's love and guidance through this time. 

After spending about 6 hours at the hospital getting my latest
remicade treatment.

As I look back now, I have found that I have grown so much during this harsh and painful time in my life. I got through something I never thought I would have to experience. Although I am currently in remission, my journey is far from over. I know this won't be easy because, well nothing has proven that it will be. But I am confident that I will conquer it one day at a time. Why? Because it's really the only choice I've got. I refuse to allow colitis to control my life. Sorry colitis, I am a fighter and you won't be bringing me down, at least not anytime soon. 

                                 Forever A Fighter,

Taylor Dunn <3